This Saturday, I promised we'd talk about what your kids might be doing on msn.

It's easy to find tips and guidelines online for parents to feel like they've got a handle on what their kids are up to online, so let us take a closer look at some of those tips. I'll interject (in blue) with what I've seen happen online. Teens know these "tips", they just more often than not, choose to think these things don't apply to them. At Microsoft's page called 10 tips for safer instant messaging we find:

"Be careful when creating a screen name. Each IM program asks you to create a screen name, which is similar to an e-mail address. Your screen name should not provide or allude to personal information. For example, use a nickname such as SoccerFan instead of BaltimoreJenny."

This is good advice, but doesn't go far enough, or take into account the nature of teen behaviour in 2007. The fact is, many teens have discovered their sexuality and are delving into it, often without guidance simply because their parents aren't aware. It's quite common to see teens use screen names such as "sexybabeyhere" or "im469". So while we teach them not to use information that identifies their location in their name, they identify far more personal information that sets them up as a target for the kind of people that end up on an episode of Dateline NBC.

"Create a barrier against unwanted instant messaging. Do not list your screen name or e-mail address in public areas (such as large Internet directories or online community profiles) or give them to strangers.

Some IM services link your screen name to your e-mail address when you register. The easy availability of your e-mail address can result in your receiving an increased number of spam and phishing attacks."

This is something done all the time. Check out the pages at MySpace or Nexopia and you'll find tons of teens with profile pages that include their email addresses as well as their IM screen names.

"Never provide sensitive personal information, such as your credit card numbers or passwords, in an IM conversation."

Though we'd all like to think our teens are smart enough to keep such information private, often they don't. They share passwords with friends because many teens feel that their friends would never do anything against them.... until it happens.

"Only communicate with people who are on your contact or buddy lists."

This is good advice, except again, it doesn't go far enough. Many teens have buddy lists that number into the hundreds. If you've never seen your teen's buddy list, you might be shocked. A common thing to do is collect names and contacts. Many teens actively participate in the game of adding everyone who asks to be added, whether you know them or not. Then.. after talking with them a couple of times, they will then identify them as "a friend" despite not really knowing anything about them.

"If you decide to meet a stranger that you know only from IM communication, take appropriate safety precautions. For example, do not meet that person alone, (take a friend or parent with you), and always meet and stay in a public place, such as a cafe."

This is good advice, only not advice many teens will be willing to follow. Teens arrange meetings with "friends" they've "met" over msn or MySpace or Nexopia all the time. Most parents have no idea. Test yourself. Ask your teen if they have any "friends" where the initial contact was by some means of the computer. Then ask them if they told you about it before they met them in person.

"Never open pictures, download files, or click links in messages from people you don’t know. If they come from someone you do know, confirm with the sender that the message (and its attachments) is trustworthy. If it's not, close the instant message."

This too, is something that most teens do without a second thought. They send files back and forth via Instant Messenging. Sending and sharing digital pictures, funny avatars and even adult material is a regular part of being on msn. The capapbilities of the newer versions of msn as well as the features and options available by using Messenger Plus (a free download that some of you might have on your computer without knowing it) allow for file transfers, sending hand-drawn messages in addition to typed messages and frankly, these features are often used in ways parents would be mortified over. I was present while a boy actually send a hand drawn likeness of the more interesting male body parts to my daughter. She was only 13 at the time.

"If you use a public computer, do not select the feature that allows you to log on automatically. People who use that computer after you may be able to see and use your screen name to log on."

Wise advice, but how about the fact that if a person's msn preferences are set to keep chat logs, and if that person doesn't think about it and uses a computer at someone else's house... or a paid computer at a mall, then those logs are sitting on that computer for anyone to see, complete with the screen names of all their friends. If used in a library for example, and then left on that computer, it is conceivable that someone with less than honorable intentions might use the computer after them, keep the screen names of all their friends, and then add them to their own msn, enabling them to stalk, harass or befriend them for ill intent.

"When you're not available to receive messages, be careful how you display this information to other users. For example, you might not want everyone on your contact list to know that you're 'Out to Lunch.'"

These things are all good advice but reality shows us that many teens not only heed none of these warnings, but indeed, deliberatly do many of these things and more. It's common for teens to leave their msn logged in around the clock with an away message to let people know when they're not really at the computer. They feel that they can't possibly "miss out" on any comments they might miss if they were to log out. So often, I've seen the away messages of the teen friends of my own kids telling others not only where they are and what they're doing, but how people can find them. I've seen them list their cellphone numbers along with "call me" and such. In a perfect world, only their friends would see these messages, but the internet is not a perfect world and just as I explained how a pervert in a library could gain access to your teen's complete list of screen names, now that pervert (who has added them to their own msn and possibly been left as a buddy because teens tend to do that too) can see exactly where they are when not at home on the computer, or will now have their cellphone number.


So if you have a teen who uses msn, please do take time to know what they're using it for. Are they or have they ever received x-rated material? Check your "My Received" files to see. Have you ever seen their buddy list? Why not? Does it have excessive numbers of people on it? Can they name each person and explain how they know them? These are important details to deal with before just thinking the hours they spend on msn are safe simply because they're in your house talking to "friends".

And lastly... remember again, that when you walk by, if they're minimizing windows, if they suddenly type cryptic little messages like POS, MOS, DOS, MIR, DIR, PIR... it is not as innocent as when we all use that well-known BRB.

POS = Parent Over Shoulder, MOS = Mom Over Shoulder, DOS = Dad Over Shoulder, MIR = Mom In Room, DIR = Dad In Room, PIR = Parent In Room. They're signals to let their friends know to only send content safe for your eyes.

If you have questions or would like to talk about this topic more, why not visit the Fuelmyblog forum for this topic. Oh.. and just in case someone out there is wondering what the BRB means... it means Be Right Back. I will. Next Saturday. Until then, be safer out there.